December 2011
“If they miss you, they’ll call you. If they want you, they’ll tell you. And if...”
– (via cisforcora)
Me: The credit card machine is down. [Phone company] will be here today. Please don't accept credit card payments until the line is working. I'll let you know when.
Boss: Why it is down?
Me: Something with the line.
Boss: Did you try to fix it?
Me: ...I am not a phone tech.
Boss: Did you unplug it and plug it back in?
Me: ... The problem isn't electrical. It's the phone line.
Boss: Hmmm...did you call the company?
Me: Yes.
Boss: And they couldn't help?
Me: They told me to call the phone company.
Boss: Did you call the phone company?
Me: Um...I just said the phone company would be here today.
Boss: But did you call them?
Me: No, I sent them a message telepathically.
Boss: You should call them.
Me: Please leave me alone.
Anonymous asked: I'm sorry for asking such a personal, controversial question but I've thought about this a lot & I am at my lowest point. I have nobody to ask. I just found out I'm pregnant. In my head, I want this baby so bad. It'll be a bit of a struggle, but the baby's father has been the best since I told him the news. Like i said, in my head it'll be perfect. But my heart is...
Barefoot Baby Mama: Ridiculousness →
barefootbabymama:
Sometimes I say utterly and completely ridiculous things because…I just say them. For example, a few years ago the following conversation took place:
Friend 1: How did Bob Marley die? Me: He got shot. Friend 1: Somebody shot Bob Marley?! Who would do that?! Me: Thugs. Friend 2: I just…
So, I like, just found out that a girl I went to college with and lived with for one summer is Chace Crawford’s cousin. Evidently Chace’s sister just married Tony Romo and the-girl-I-know attended the wedding. Like. What the fuck. In whose life does that happen?
Of course not mine.
A little over-emotional today
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! How to Make It In America is a great show!
isarcher:
latkesoflove:
weneedalittlechristmas:
I just cried because I read that How to Make it in America got cancelled.
My life has just been canceled as well. My poor baby is having an awful start to his holiday.
Woah woah woah. How To Make It in America got cancelled? Poor Bryan. Poor me, that show is so good.
To All My Tumblr Peeps
You know that image that makes the rounds every once in awhile, about not fucking boys that don’t have books? Or something? I can’t seem to find it anywhere. Could somebody please send it to me?!
Thanks!
Why/how is my iPhone making phantom phone calls?
“If you have to ask someone to change, to tell you they love you, to bring wine...”
– How Did You Get This Number, Sloane Crosley … You all know how I feel about Sloane Crosley, but this seems appropriate, and it’s true. (via live-to-the-point-of-tears)
A Sliver of Advice
I got to thinking just now about what seems to be a common theme amongst those who ask for my advice. There is one question that I am asked more than any other question is “how do I get over it?” I thought I should write something about this and post it here, for all to read.
I have been there. I have been in that moment of heartbreak. It feels like your chest is caving in, your...
Taking the Crazy to Another Level Entirely
Cheshire: You know when cats are mad and they bite?
Me: Yes.
Cheshire: How do I spell the noise they make? raaaaare?
Me: Yes. But capitalize the As because they kind of screech at that part. And used an exclamation point. rAAAAAAre!
Cheshire: Awesome, thanks!
philoponeria asked: I tried to drop a hint about sexy time with my wife by sending her a suggestive picture. She was not impressed. Back to cats doing silly things. *sigh*
playfullyseductive asked: Since you can no longer send links here, go to buzzfeed and check out the collection of cat gifs I'm dying. Hilarious. It will make your day.
“You should date an illiterate girl.
Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in...”
– Charles Warnke (via pixie-shit)
isarcher asked: I can lick my elbows. #shrug. Happy Thursday!
fortherapture asked: So I've just realized that it's time for me to let go of this guy that I've been hanging on to for too long. Feels good but sad too.
Enlighten me, tell me something about yourself, ask me questions, and so forth and so on.
How Many Cats Is Too Many Cats? →
Purrrfect.
1 tag
I hate bugs. Yet, I’ve always been the bug killer. The ones my roommates came to when there was a bug that needed to die. For some reason, I was the bug assassin. What I’ve always hated about killing bugs is the crunch they make upon smushing them. You can feel their little body crunch with the weight of your hand. It gives me the heebie jeebies.
Last night, I heard Brutus jump...
“In some cases, girls who call other girls sluts aren’t implying that their...”
– [Why Teens Can’t Stop Calling Each Other Sluts Kids] (via sociolab)
2 tags
I Know I Shouldn't Turn Up Out of the Blue...
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t hide it…
Yea, yea, yea. I’m back. Sort of. Not fulltime. Not even part-time. Just whenever-I-feel-like-it-time. Besides, I like, missed you guys or something. ;)
Hook, Line and Sinker
I left the store and made my way towards the escalators, paying no mind to anyone around me, when I was cut off. The person who cut me off was a man. I crinkled my nose and furrowed my brow, signaling that I was not impressed with his dangerous escalator antics. I waited for a few steps to appear before I got on the escalator. The man turns to me and says “oh, did I cut you off?” ...